Against all odds once again . . .

        A few long moments had passed as my mind fired off thoughts like a broken pinball machine, I was on the phone for the second or third time with my new psychiatrist. Another moment passed and my mind once again focused on the words coming across the teleconference call, " Benjamin, you there. . . umm Yea I'm here." Well, Sullivan family your Son is going to need to be taking two different depression medications and also an anti-psychosis medication." My mind fires in revolt as I try to grasp the reality that this woman wants to put me on freakin' psyco pills! I protest in one outburst and yell, "I'm never going to do that!" "I'm not a Psyco! I'm just going through loss." "Precisely my dear, that is why you need these pills, your brain has been damaged and you have a disease" She calmly retorts. "Well if I do this how long is it going to take me to get off the pills I ask." The other line is silent for a little while, Benjamin, Son, you may have misunderstood me. there is no getting off of these pills your brain is chemically ill and will need this medication for the rest of its life." At that comment, my heart grew cold. Almost in complete disbelief, deep down in the core of my heart, I knew that this could not be my truth. I knew that somehow this was all terribly wrong. That I wasn't created with a brain deficiency. I was created by a perfect God who made me complete and whole at my birth. I knew deep inside that this "sickness" wasn't simply laying dormant in me my entire life until this string of events had triggered it off. I believed that the string of events was responsible for the state I was in, not the other way around.

         With great dramatic protest and uncertainty, I took my first treatment of medication that night. A journey that would last a long time, and take me over the course of 2 1/2 years to beat. But today as I write I am filled with Joy and Hope to announce to you that once again, against all the Odds I took my very last dose of anti - phycosis medication this morning! Marking the end of a long self-tapering program of over 4 different depression medications, across 2 years. I have learned that Jesus speaks a better word over us than the words of friends, doctors, and professionals. That when my Psychiatrist said I would never overcome medication, I stand today a victor over my circumstance. That when the voice in my head was screaming that I was a failure and a loony case, I stand today with a sound mind and a passionate heart.

    You must remember who you are and never lose grip of the truth of what God has said about you. For it is these very truths that the enemy will try to steal. We must keep the word that was spoken to us at the beginning, never surrendering the light inside of us.

    Having walked a road I never thought I would have had to go, and standing on the other side of clinical depression, I look back now knowing that My GOD IS BIGGER THAN THE HOPELESS DIAGNOSIS OF BEING CLINICALLY MEDICATED FOR DEPRESSION! If he could walk me hand in hand through this battle so will he for you. Never lose heart! I promise there is an end to this pain and an uncovering and washing of the stigma of having to take medication. I firmly believe that I needed that medication and am not ashamed to announce that it was the right thing for me to do. I believe that depression medication is wonderful and helps heal the brain so one can be in a position to fight the lies attacking their world. However, I do not believe medication is an end-all solution, nor a permanent life sentence. I believe that each of us has the ability to wisely set goals to completely and wholly destroy depression and live free of the negative side effects of long-term medical stimulation.

  I believe in you, if you are currently battling depression and are in any stage of this fight I want you to know that you are accepted and loved. Do not live in shame and condemnation for having to get medical help. Accept that God wants you well and that you are not failing him or anyone else by taking the enemy on head first with pills. Also, know that through the power of family and surrounding yourself being vulnerable and telling people what you are feeling will bring lasting healing. Medication is useful in that it calms our brain enough to be able to open up and get plugged into a community of friends to help. If you do not surround yourself with family (blood and Chosen) then you will never beat this thing. For it is the love of God through the body of community that cures Depression. And then with Joy, I will smile as you too celebrate taking your last medication! Thank you God for helping me overcome.